WILSON, WADE

[attr="class","dupertitle"]WADE WINSTON WILSON

[attr="class","dupertext"]AKA "DEADPOOL"
GROUP UNAFFILIATED

AGE 97
GENDER M

HEIGHT 6'2"
WEIGHT 198LBS

POWER LEVEL 7


POSITIVE + you + can't + sum + me + up
NEGATIVE - in - ten - words - you - prick

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[attr="class","dupertext"]ACCELERATED HEALING FACTOR - It's pretty great. Yeah, sure, my face has the texture of the shit you scrape off the bottom of a griddle pan, but at least I can regrow grey matter post-bullet wound. Potato, potato.
CEREBRAL REGENERATION - My brain is a thing of beauty. Thanks to some constant-regeneration thing or however that Weapon X shit works, 'thinkers' like ol' Prof. Hot Wheels can't do shit to me. You should see him try, it's hilarious.
SUPERHUMAN PHYSIOLOGY - Captain "Pussy" America eat your fucking heart out. Well, not really, but I'm stronger than the boner you normie faggots get over Megan Fox. And, fyi, the Transformers movies suck. Shia LaGoof, more like. Haha. I'm funny.
FUCK THE FOURTH WALL - Conceive of a mime. Conceive of him doing that whole glass-case thing -- no, not Anchorman -- and pretending he's trapped inside. Now picture him shattering the entire thing with the gentlest cockslap. That's my relationship with the fourth wall. So guess who gets front-row tickets to the Deadpool show?
GUNS - Sensei Deadpool has trained extensively with a plethora of firearms. His skill at getting 2B1K collateral headshots on Call of Duty is unparalleled, and his Battlefield KDR trumps most of those sweaty hardcore obese German 12-year-olds. He's pretty much MLG-tier.
MELEE WEAPONS - Dude, I'm this guy, that should just be enough said.

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TELEPORTATION DEVICE - I call him "Blinky". He's a little button I strap to my waist. Some bullshit Commonwealth prototype tech I stole when I left the lab. Feel free to touch him. Seriously. He's friendly. Just like a littler Deadpool.
COMBAT KNIVES - Stabby One and Two. People claim that I can materialise them out of nowhere. Not true, but, shit, that'd be great. No, I just keep a selection in my various bodily orifices. Pointy end first.
TWIN KATANA - I like my Asian swords like my Asian women. Sharp and violating. In every way possible.
TWIN SAI - Stabby Three and Four. These don't occupy cavities -- would make getting through airports real stressful. Not nearly as bad as Wolverine and metal detectors, though.
10MM PISTOLS - These things are great. Really great considering I can shoot the wings off a fly whilst getting ridden by your mom.
5MM CARBINE - I love this thing. It's like a hose for bullets made of metal. The Punisher's is shit. Plus those white skulls are so fucking cliche.
AUTOMATIC SHOTGUN - Yes, I know, this wasn't automatic in the Fallout games, but just roll with it, okay? Great for opening those pesky sealed tins, too.
THE RED SUIT - So the bad guys can't see me bleed.

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NOW THIS is a story all about how
My face got flipped, turned upside-down
So I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there
I'll tell you how I gave the Mojave a rectal tear

In a Commonwealth test tube born and raised
In an underground facility, I spent most of my days
Chillin' out, relaxin', maxin' all cool
Shootin' the targets and obeyin' the rules
Then a couple of scientists up to no good
Asked me into Weapon Plus, and I said "I could"
Destroyed three little bunkers and Stryker got scared
"Deadpool, you're a liability, you're mentally impaired"

I didn't beg or plead with him day after day
But he wanted my pretty face on a silver tray
Took me out back and rubbed my head in the grit
Blasted through my skull and dropped me in a pit!

First thought was "yo this is bad"
But as I waited and the time did pass
My body recovered and my mind did excite
And thought to myself "It's time for D-P's own reich"

Hit the armory first, got myself a gat
Shot my way through and picked up a bat
Got to Stryker's room
An execution with flair
Lit up the bunker, left the Commonwealth in despair

Started heading west, and when word got out
There were other dudes with ugly faces, said my name was about
"I ain't trying to get harassed just yet
Just need some gear"
Stitched up a suit, became the 'le mercenaire première'

I whistled for a yao guai, and when it came near
Fucker started mauling me like some kind of deer
If anything I could say I got rolled up like an enchilada
But thought "Nah, fuck it" - "Yo holmes, to Nevada"

I pulled up to New Vegas about 7 or 8
Yelled to the security "Yo holmes smell ya later"
I looked at the kingdom
I was finally there
To give the Mojave a great rectal tear

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